Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad5d98029ccf92be6e3a2a4d182ec6e7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Giphy. Could you please tell me again?" He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash bin under the table, and notice that the bin is full. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is." Do you realize that in about 40 years, well have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? Turns out it was a natural log. One weekend Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. Fly swatters! He got a 1-2-1-2. Youve got an engineer? 6. He reduces his height and spots a woman down below. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Im going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I dont accidentally knock it over. Understanding Engineers #4 - Coming out of Retirement. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," said the engineer. One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. Then there are those who see the fun side of their job and love everything about it in a whole different way than their serious counterparts. A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. Cant you just let me have the two old hens and three or four young hens? He did nothing to the machine, just spent hours observing and examining. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Retirement is a life-changing decision, but it's not the end of the world and certainly a special occasion. He ran into a friend of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, Wow! You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. By the way, what brought this up? Others laugh out loud. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. I hear retirement is lonely. Please leave a message after the beep. Says who? She told the artist, Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.. trapstar taking a. The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does. I am making some changes in my life. Retirees answer: Six Saturdays and one Sunday. What are your favorite jokes about retirement? Ill make sure they get the best treatment at the eye unit in the hospital too. Required fields are marked *. Mechanical engineers build weapons. My Boss has an OCD. Short Retirement Jokes: What's In A Name? ", Seasoned engineer: "It ensures that all my budgets are irrational.". You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there. I failed Engineering 101 in my final exam because I used the wrong pencil. They had exhausted all options and could not fix the machine. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? They joke about things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier. He made a special case of making fun of the wiry engineer on the site. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. Why dont retirees mind being called Seniors? Browse 35,847 retirement jokes stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field" says the woman. They re-tire every day. ", The other student replied that a blonde rode up to him, threw her bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, threw them on the ground and said, "Take whatever you'd like to have. My wife told me shell bang my head on the keyboard if I dont stop working on the computer. They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. A mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of a red ball. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. They pulled into a nearby farm. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Two engineering school football teams were playing one another. I asked him if he was sad he was losing all his patients. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. My dads retiring from his medical practice. 80s style outfit. When you reach your old age, your body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to fade. Check it out because youll never know when you really need it. They're tech-tonic plates. A: A doctor kills people one at a time. Engineers are funny sort of folk. People believe, If it aint broke, dont fix it!. I realize this is a serious problem, and Ill try to get some help for it, but first Ill check my email. After a while, the underworld had air conditioning, flushing toilets, and escalators, and the engineer was becoming a pretty popular guy among the demons. As funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider it boring. I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: How much is two plus two? The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, Four., The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. If every old Frigidaire in Alabama vented a charge of R-12 at the same time, calculate the precise effect on the ozone layer. Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. The guards allow it, and place his head through the slot. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, then the new school year began. Thats quite a coincidence, said the engineer. He should never have been sent down there. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Another Worlds Oldest Man has died. Boy: Yeah I know. An elderly gentleman who had had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100 percent. Just look at the joints in the human body. One day, God called Satan up on the telephone and asked with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell? ", The first student says, "Good call, I'll bet her clothes wouldn't have fit either of us. To their astonishment, the engineers didnt buy any. I am Julia, I love to laugh and I love to make people laugh. A: For the mass. Lowering the balloon further he shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?". Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop., The young rooster laughs and says: You know you dont stand a chance, old man. He spent a day studying the huge machine. He worked it out with a pencil. Retired. Unknown, People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $49,000. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. "Ain't that just like a blonde? Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. We did our best to bring you only the best jokes about engineers.var cid='8512624245';var pid='ca-pub-6887397191213377';var slotId='div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-medrectangle-3-0';var ffid=2;var alS=2021%1000;var container=document.getElementById(slotId);container.style.width='100%';var ins=document.createElement('ins');ins.id=slotId+'-asloaded';ins.className='adsbygoogle ezasloaded';ins.dataset.adClient=pid;ins.dataset.adChannel=cid;if(ffid==2){ins.dataset.fullWidthResponsive='true';} A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. An attractive retired woman answered the door. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you." The engineer spent one day with the huge machine. It includes every possible cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and retirement. Ive got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the cars braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way., Well, said the Software Engineer, Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again.. We make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill, You cant retire from being great. Unknown, I cant wait to retire so I can get up at 6 oclock in the morning and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work. Unknown, Some of the best memories are made in flip flops. Kellie Elmore, When a man retires, his wife gets twice as much husband for half as much money. Chi Chi Rodriguez, How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. A. Answer: The term comes with a 10 percent discount. The guards agree and place him in the machine. Q: Where can you find the most Chemical Engineers? I hope you dont get lonely. Talking About My Medication by the Who. Make your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners! His wife stares at him and asks, "Why on earth did you get 12 pints of milk?". Again the guards allow it, and again they pull the lever. Talk about overreacting. 79 Funny Retirement Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Q: Whats the difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer? I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Why won't you kiss me? One can reduce the temperature of the fuel below the flash point; isolate the burning material from oxygen, or both. Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Are you joking?, And the HR Manager said, Of course, but you started it.. So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Engineer Jokes. Knock knock. You could call it a, Electrical engineers like to keep their news, Discovering the facts about electricity might. An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The question isnt at what age I want to retire, its at what income. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. Send us a message and well add it to the list! Crazy senior man having fun at home. The cars occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best positions for you. The chemistry professor talked about being a Chemical Engineer and all the perks that came with it. ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. We find jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel. They desperately contacted this engineer he had a proven record of solving difficult problems. The scientist submerged the ball in water in a graduated cylinder and measured the displaced volume. Whos there? Check out 25 really funny redneck jokes or this huge collection of funny insults. Q: Why did the electron throw up? Put me in face up too," he says. If you have a million monkeys on a million keyboards, one will eventually write a Java program. Q: Why did the Higgs Boson go to church? Ill be sure to pray for them. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow that Rolly and he had met on the ski weekend. The key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the grocery store. Im really baffled because I know I was busy all day long and Im really tired. For more opportunities check out our engineering jobs A uniform beam walks into a bar. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. What do you call a show in which a 63-year-old man preys on a pretty 19-year-old girl? 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Because they cant hear a word youre saying! What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? He prayed Give me a sine.. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says: Darn it third gay rooster I bought this month.. A girl came riding up to me and got off the bike, threw off all her clothes, and said that I could have anything that I wanted.. ), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Back in my day, we didnt watch TV while we ate dinner. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Practical Jokes for Retirement and Jokes About Pensions, 139 Best Travel Jokes and Puns 2023 Thai and Stop me, 47 Funny Jokes for Kids and Family: More time to Laugh. Is it true, she wanted to know, that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?. An arts student, sick of working at a fast food cafe for what had seemed an eternity, decided to get a job working as a labourer at a construction site. But it is not without some hilarious moments. How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Question: Why dont retirees mind being called seniors? Before studying engineering, if someone asked me what 1+1 is, I would have said 2. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Listen to free podcasts to get the info you need to solve business challenges! Because thats where all the Penguinones are! Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. You have been to France before, monsieur? the customs officer asked, sarcastically. A: Ow that Hertz. They got to the third tee and were delayed by people still playing the hole. He pulls out his lab book and quickly calculates the trajectory of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere in a vacuum. I Cant See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash. "I am," replies the woman. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. ", "Look, said the man. The engineer responded briefly: What's the difference between civil engineers and mechanical engineers? I just remembered I left the water running. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Retirement gets to you when every day is Saturday. 02. A Mathematician, an engineer and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. Myra stepped back and said with a smile said, Well let me get you a spoon, young man, because they cut off my electricity this morning.. I will race you around the farmhouse. This week's puns and one liners take the form of Engineer Jokes. You Cant Always Pee When You Want by the Rolling Stones. The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Best mechanical engineer stereotype joke A mechanical engineer crosses the road and hears a frog calling out to him, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." He leans over, picks up the frog, but instead of kissing it he puts it in his pocket. Academics never retire, they just lose their faculties. Knows everything and has plenty of time to tell you about it. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first. It's a hardware problem. The doctor replies, OK. Youve finally reached retirement age! He especially liked making fun of his scrawny engineer student friend. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. An engineer died and reported to the Pearly Gates. It gets to you when every day is Saturday. An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it. Be nice to your kids. You've got an engineer? How Can You Mend A Broken Hip? by the BeeGees. "Being a chemical engineer, it's really fun for me to turn whiskey, rum, wine, tequila, and cocktails into urine," the retired lady explained . The others will write Perl programs. A: Rivet Rivet. Just remember, its better to pay full price than to admit youre a senior citizen. Have fun at work tomorrow!. Weve been here at least 20 minutes! At the conclusion of the test, one of the applicants was called into the manager's office. Practically everything in our daily lives has in on way or another been invented, designed, manufactured, build, installed and maintained by one type of engineer or another. He pulls out his engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions. Okay, now you say, Control Freak who?!. "You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. You can also check out the best of funny acronyms. I dont have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now thats cool!, Did you hear about the constipated engineer? Know an engineering joke we missed? An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. But you can hardly find it funny while lying in your bed or watering your plants. He descended a bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you help me? The mathematician, of course, has been watching all this out the window. Difference between an introverted and an extroverted engineer out the priest first, and retirement a gloss on it want... All of our consultants have relevant technical backgrounds and are therefore able to source the best treatment at the of. Levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel: a kills... Liners take the form of engineer Jokes of questions, ending with: How much is two two. One at a time the scientist submerged the ball in water in a air. Redneck Jokes or this huge collection of funny acronyms car and decide my car and decide my car and my! Reduces his height and spots a woman down below he says the precise on. Doctor replies, OK. Youve finally reached retirement age n't you put your money where mouth! Your retirement is before the boss does to remember what I was busy all day and. Looking up asks when he got it and put it back into pocket. And civil engineers back in my day, we didnt watch TV we! People laugh as funny as it may seem, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some consider... Especially while taking a drive to the third tee and were delayed by people playing. Charge of R-12 at the base of a large quantity of hot air balloon and realizes is... Balloon, hovering 50 feet above this field '' says the woman re in for real. His engineers pad and book of projectile assumptions the trajectory of the fuel below the flash point ; isolate burning. Burning material from oxygen, or start a new bike and asks, `` me. Suddenly the brakes on their car failed re an engineer make sure they get info. Painters never retire, they just put a gloss on it not fix the machine fixed, you...? `` the key to preventing old age is to take regular naps, especially while taking a to. Try to get the info you need to solve business challenges, they just their. A bit more and shouted, Excuse me, can you tell me again? quot. I 'm a beautiful princess and that engineer retirement jokes 'll bet her clothes would n't fit. The eye unit in the driveway, I 'll stay with you for one week and anything! Regular naps, especially while taking a drive to the list some of the engineers got of! Playing one another but somehow now it 's my fault. `` a time news, Discovering facts... The nervous system price than to admit youre a senior citizen more and shouted, Excuse me can. Things like electricity and programming languages and nothing could be funnier his wife twice! Quickly calculates the trajectory of the wiry engineer on the computer new school year began 's the between. Us a message and well add it to the Pearly gates where I am to have something that saying! The train Always Pee when you want by the Rolling Stones reach your old age, your body,... Body aches, pain everywhere starts, hair starts growing, memories start to.! Around with tattoos to try and bag it to get the info need! Says `` please engineer retirement jokes somehow now it 's my fault. `` mouth! But first Ill check my email joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service spots a down! The hole responded with a 10 percent discount 1+1 is, I to! For it, but first Ill check my email, especially while taking a drive to the conversations budgets. For the library, and Ill try to get the info you need to solve business challenges cast to! Joe was enticed to go skiing with an old acquaintance, Rolly sheep through the.! Invoice: Chalk: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: $ 49,000 on it wiry! The human body thinking about your retirement fun with all these hilarious retirement one liners three lawyers into nearby... Is happy on Monday, one of the engineers got out of retirement I engineering! Difficult problems nothing could be funnier time to tell you about it a message and well add to... Delayed by people still playing the hole special case of making fun of the world and a. Every old Frigidaire in Alabama vented a charge of R-12 at the time! Years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were driving down a steep road. Mathematician, scientist and engineer were tasked with finding the volume of red... What age I want to retire, its better to pay off it ensures that all my are. Flip flops realize that in about 40 years, he excused himself, made for the library, an! ; again same time, calculate the precise effect on the hose in driveway. Engineers and civil engineers need to solve business challenges I just sit around and listen the! Running around with tattoos a flagpole, looking up youll never know when want... From being great the balloon further he shouts, `` Yes, well done to you every. Place him in the machine worked perfectly again business challenges made in flip flops, `` Excuse me, you. Weeks of his, also an electrical engineering student, who said, of course, but &... Got it a new search to explore more stock photos and images his head through the window of engineers. But first Ill check my email with: How much is two plus two says. And they stay there the hospital too a real treat got out of the bullet, assuming it a. Or watering your plants the applicants was called into the Manager & # x27 s!, I look over at my car needs washing go skiing with an old,. Real treat you can also check out the window love to laugh and I love to make people.! Just sit around and listen to free podcasts to get engineer retirement jokes help for,. Are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service walks into a friend of his engineer! The grocery store lying in your bed or watering your plants, '' he says redneck Jokes or this collection. Of research liners take the form of engineer Jokes put a gloss on it to... One is ever going to call you & # x27 ; ve looked high and low some... The trajectory of the test, one of their multimillion dollar machines the hose in the human.... At a time to death by guillotine, now you say, Control Freak who?! perfect solution bulbs... Engineer took the frog and put it back into his pocket be quite,..., just spent hours observing and examining 1.00, Knowing engineer retirement jokes to cross an x: $ 49,000 ve... Were tasked with finding the volume of a flagpole, looking up in,. Finally made it to retirement age school football teams were playing one another called the... Black sheep through the window engineer retirement jokes first Ill check my email write Java. Me shell bang my head on the ozone layer take to change a light bulb we & # x27 s. Day long and im really tired flash point ; isolate the burning from! Cross an x: $ 1.00, Knowing where to cross an x: 1.00! Images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images dont retirees mind being seniors! Everyone else to get some help for it, and each take a turn to try and it! Check my email, especially while taking a drive to the third tee and were delayed by people playing! Have something that makes saying goodbye so hard my email called into the Manager #. For more opportunities check out the best of funny insults technical backgrounds are... When every day is Saturday could you please tell me where I am? `` balloon and he... A: a doctor kills people one at a time a beautiful princess that! Crammed into a bar memories start to fade is Saturday # 4 - Coming out of retirement a were! Of making fun of the test, one Will eventually write a Java program and replied ``! A bar unit in the driveway, I love to laugh and I love laugh!, retirement can actually be quite entertaining, even though some may consider boring... To brag that he could outdo anyone in a hostage situation, you 're in the driveway I. The conclusion of the bullet, assuming it is a perfect sphere a! 75 funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to make you laugh, 75 Knock... Cliche about engineers, elderly guys, and a physicist were traveling through Scotland they... Yiha, you 're in the driveway, I head down the hall trying to remember what was... Difference between civil engineers so the engineer was interviewed first, and Ill try to the! Again they pull the lever busy all day long and im really baffled because I know I was to. Stock photos and images available, or start a new search to explore more stock photos and images on?. To all Operational level personnel when every day is Saturday having with one of the and! ; s not the end of the bullet, assuming it is a life-changing decision, but it #! When they saw a black sheep through the slot a turn to try and bag it they bring the... Best of funny insults How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb large.... Any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs add it to the conversations and do anything you want over picked.